I’m going to give you some information that could save your relationship. Making amends and knowing how to apologize in a good way is essential to happiness, it’s essential for not having baggage in your relationship, for healing things up so they don’t have to carry weight for either one of you in the future, and it just brings a lot more happiness in our lives.
There is a couple of things that people do that does not work very well. One of them is justifiable behavior which is basically: “I’m not going to apologize because you did something to me.” In other words: “I’m justified in my poor behavior because you hurt me first,” something like that. That’s a trap because we all are responsible for our behavior. We have the right to take care of ourselves in any given situation. Yes, we do get hurt sometimes and we have to deal with that, but we ourselves cannot retaliate or it never ends. We step on each other’s toes and everyone retaliates, and it gets worse. Another thing is that sometimes people say: “Sorry” just to appease their partner. “I know you’re hurt and upset by what I’ve done.” I have no idea whether it’s wrong or right, or I may not even think it was wrong of me, but I’m going to say “sorry” anyways. That doesn’t work for a lot of reasons. First of all, you’re going to keep doing that behavior most likely and it’s not going to stop, so “sorry” is not going to work. Second of all, you don’t actually mean it. People are very smart and intuitive, and they can tell you don’t mean it; it’s just not very authentic. At Star Point Counseling Center in Tampa Fl. & Brandon Fl. we work with our couples on how to apologize to each other properly.